6. Offer solutions Suggest a face-to-face meeting to hammer out some rules for better communication in the future. In other words, on the people from whom he gets that narcissistic supply. 6. The Silent Treatment Is Emotional Abuse The silent treatment is your partner's way of telling you that you have done something wrong. For some, the silent treatment is a way to hurt you right back. There aren't many long term solutions for dealing with a person with a personality disorder. Fear of losing you to be specific. . They want to see if you miss them as much as they miss you. Accordingly, a chief determinant between a silent treatment and a disengagement is whether you can contact us (albeit not actually get a response) if you can it is silent treatment. After the breakup, go completely silent. I remember reading an article where the writer described the narcissist's silent treatment as particularly . So it's also purposely ignoring, however, you do not do it in front of them, you simply just don't engage them. Fear, curiosity, and perhaps a hurt ego will drive him . He's trying to make you feel emotional pain. The correct way to implement Radio Silence is to leave your ex unable to find any kind of update about you. To a narcissist, there's absolutely no difference between a silent treatment and a little dose of no contact and, hell, he knows all about the dynamics of a silent treatment. Confront them. Give them some time, but no longer than a day or two. The "Calm, Cool, and Collected" Approach. As previously mentioned, the motive is completely different at its core. A narcissist imposes the silent treatment to control and punish. 2. Stage 4, in the stages of no contact for the dumper, is fear. Usually, . 2: He Might Miss You. #5. Now, let's take a moment to understand why is silence so powerful after a breakup. As, without the silent treatment, it just feels too like you're back together which could be heart-breaking for him. The No Contact rule is about stopping all communication with an ex. Since you are away from him now, he is trying to make full use of this period to cool down and enjoy as much as possible before returning and settling the issue with you. No contact is literally no contact. The silent treatment goes by many names: shunning, social isolation, stonewalling, ghosting. I am not a licensed therapist. Remember, silence is a key after you've just broken up. Do not reach out to him, and if he tries to do so, simply ignore him. 1.3.4 Your approval or praise for them does not matter anymore. It may feel good to ignore your partner when you feel slighted but, it keeps you from finding real solutions to the problems that are bugging you the most. Silence Is Key After a Breakup. Ghosting, the silent treatment, the disappearing act, radio silence - no matter what you call it, when your partner makes the decision to cut you off that's a huge flag that speaks volumes about the kind of person you're involved with and it's a very tangible act that requires your immediate attention. Silence is used as a weapon to cut off meaningful conversations, stop . In no contact, you aren't trying to hurt the narcissist - you're just trying to save yourself. They withhold communication, affection, and anything else they can until they feel you have learned the lesson they are teaching. Do not respond in anger, don't be patronizing or condescending, and don't beg your partner to respond," she advises.What you can do is . Like an old couch you toss out because you don't have room for it. That means no discussing the Narcissist with anyone. A: No Contact is for the sanity and safety of the narcissist's victim. Maintaining zero contact is essential for you to be able . Going "No Contact" means cutting off all forms of correspondence, communication and personal contact with a person who suffers from a personality disorder in order to protect yourself from recurring abuse. But no silent treatment. As I wrote in 5 Reasons We Discard You there are five primary reasons which bring about your . ST is designed to get a reaction out of you as Used clearly described to you. Offer the olive branch. This will confuse your ex more than you can imagine. 2. 3 - Turn the Narcissistic Silent Treatment into your victory cry. Stage 4, in the stages of no contact for the dumper, is fear. With the silent treatment, your main goal is to punish the other person. What's important here is why we use it. No drunk dialing, no cryptic social media posts, no friends checking him for you - just complete silence. December 04, 2015 / Tariq Thowfeek. Do Narcissists Come Back After Silent Treatment? A survivor of an abusive relationship decides to go No Contact (NC) when they have determined to end the relationship. The fact that the victim of a narcissistic partner rarely knows why they are receiving the silent treatment only compounds the mental torture. 2. 4. So I would say that you are doing what is . 1. Anonymous. To your ex, it's as though you have disappeared off the face of the earth when you apply radio . Part of going no contact also means implementing a strict "I don't want to hear about it" rule with friends and family. I've been the person that uses . Not physically, verbally, social media, all of it. Maybe instead of asking for answers from him . Don't let it get . there are no benefits of the silent treatment, though your spouse or partner may feel safer having built a wall of silence around them you have the right to feel safe in your relationship - physically and emotionally - when your spouse ignores you, it's hard to feel safe you are not your partner's therapist This method doesn't only aim to make your ex anxious. Let him have some time to think about it. But when we use it to forget that person, it does what it's supposed to do. 7 Reasons Why the No Contact Rule Works It gives you time to properly grieve the death of your relationship. It gives the victim time to heal and regain a sense of reality which they lost while under the influence of the narcissist. 2. It's the dumper's version of what you felt after they broke up with you. think of him all day despite he's giving me the silent treatment and I just don't know why I am still thinking of him even though he's been treating me like crap. They expect at the very least, a token of being heartbroken by their complete disregard for closure. 10 Mistakes to Avoid When Going No Contact with a Narcissist 1. Talk about the silent treatment with your husband or boyfriend. Initially they . But it is unlikely to end there. I am stronger now because the longer I go without contacting him, the less urges I have to contact him. 3. The psychological effects of the silent treatment can be far-reaching. Sometimes, it's a defensive mechanism or they simply don't know how to respond yet. My current partner likes to face things head on, I like to take a few hours out to go for a drive, run errands, talk to a friend or whatever. It's basically a cowardly way for a person to say (without having the balls to say it) that "I am not . Don't let them sneak back in after no contact has succeeded. This behavior is hostile even though it's wrapped in a cloak of silence. Your ex was in control and so they didn't feel loss or grief right away but you did. . If we use it to change the other person, e.g. Stage 4: Fear of Loss. This is the worst reason for the silent treatment after a breakup. This is one of his most preferred methods of harassment. It's done on purpose, and its purpose is to send the message, "I don't like what you did.". Different narcissists react differently. 2. Share the psychology behind silent treatment. I'm 7 weeks no contact after . I would NEVER be with someone who did this again. After all, he made the decision to end things. Of course, when push comes to shove and you finally do end up texting your ex after the no contact rule he usually won't be able to resist a response. What You Get Out of It The silent treatment shifts to become a discard through the period of absence. Although psychologists have nuanced definitions for each term, they are all essentially forms of ostracism. It involves refusing to speak with someone blocking their phone number blocking them on social media ignoring them in person avoiding any interaction with them abruptly disappearing from their life with no explanation. A no-contact rule is often recommended when trying to move on from an ex, but there's an added benefit of using the silent treatment. Fear of losing you to be specific. It works like this. I think it will be good for you to wait for him to approach you and settle the issue. 3. Let Go of Your Grudge. The silent treatment is a refusal to communicate verbally with another person. It's the dumper's version of what you felt after they broke up with you. No contact is literally no contact. I was gonna say the difference is that the "silent treatment" is done in front of the person. Silent Treatment: The "Narcissist's", The Sociopath's Wall of Silence. 1. In an abusive relationship with a narcissist, the silent treatment and stonewalling are manipulative tactics embedded within the abuse cycle. . Your ex may actually miss you and want you back. Yet the silent treatment can also occur without warning or stonewalling as well. The narc will be surprised, because the silent treatment is either for punishment or control. Silent treatment from the narcissist is meant for you to "learn a lesson" and realize how wrong you were to the narcissist. To purposely ignore, while in their actual presence. The extreme narcissist must reclaim control . I was gonna say the difference is that the "silent treatment" is done in front of the person. I am not going to talk to her at all.". If after you have done all this, and the silent treatment carries on for days or weeks at a time, it's a good bet that you need to seriously evaluate your relationship. . The silent treatment is passive-aggressive and abusive, while no contact is really less about the narcissist and more about you. Researchers have found that the silent treatment is used by both men and women to terminate a partner's behaviors or words rather than to elicit them. Step 1: The no-contact rule. Let them know that if they continue to use the silent treatment against you, the relationship will come to an end. Click Image to Order via Amazon. Live your life. It really is an addiction to him. No Contact is designed to help the survivor reclaim their personal power and heal from a toxic, psychologically-damaging partner. So, instead of texting and making phone calls, be absolutely silent. It's a passive aggressive form of communication. You are not serving a purpose right now for . The No-Contact Rule. 3. You can let yourself wallow in self-pity (that's the first stage of recovery). A person could become silent to seek attention, trouble their partner . When a person gives you the silent treatment or "stonewall" on you, most of the time they are trying to let you know that something is wrong without telling you why. Make a. After telling them the truth, you can laugh about it. In the wink of an eye. No Contact. There will also be occasions where the absence starts as a silent treatment and then becomes a disengagement. This is not abusive. It helps re-establish your bond while allowing both you and your partner to think. We had no contact for 6 months after a catastrophic breakup. When a dating partner loses interest (after one or more dates), often what will happen is "ghosting." In other words, the person disappears like a ghost and ceases texts, phone calls, emails, etc, and won't respond to attempts to re-engage. "In these cases, what they want is for you to feel bad enough to make the . 1.2.2 Narcissist discard divorce. I've been on both sides of the silent treatment. That will include pulling on the heartstrings, pleading, appealing to your compassion It lays the foundation for comfort, openness, and trust signaling towards the fact that you genuinely care about their feelings. The silent treatment is a form of CONTROL and MANIPULATION. A narcissist uses silent treatment to abuse their victim. In contrast . Some respond with considerable anger and will use any means they can to seek revenge on the person if they . He will throw everything at you to get his "supply" back. If you chose to initiate the breakup, it might be too hard for your ex to speak to you right now. You will understand that as I explain these five little-known facts about the No Contact . So, their urge to call or to text you grows even stronger than it was before. 1.3.3 They are charming at the office and miserable at home. +1 y. the silent treatment eventually ends and its more like ignoring someone and one person is chasing after the other trying to make it end while no contact is just final no contact. It's the kiss of death as far as I'm concerned! If not, it is a disengagement. What this means is essentially the. When you give them the silent treatment and don't contact them for a couple of weeks, they'll definitely start wondering whether or not you miss them as much as they miss you. You Win Your Power Back Following the no contact rule puts the power back in your hands. This misunderstanding of their intention leaves you in a swirl of pain and confusion. with her and talk and as we all know they can't do that and she started yelling at me and screaming Then I got the silent treatment. A: No Contact is for the sanity and safety of the narcissist's victim. The silent treatment ( also known as withholding) is used to punish and regain control of a person. 1.3.1 Hovering transforms into negotiating. Not even a day not even a week not even . It causes psychological stress. "Don't take it personally. Harrison says that the best thing to do when your loved one won't communicate (and may be giving you the death stare) is to not escalate things. With NC, you are not speaking to the person as a means to move on. As a consequence of this, he refuses to acknowledge or communicate with you. The word for this is ostracism (exclusion, banishment). Unfortunately for men, it usually doesn't work to get their ex woman back. Silent treatment is when a person refuses to communicate with their partner. I have been no contact from my narcissist since Aug. 19, before that I broke no contact after 15 days. To purposely ignore, while in their actual presence. In your case, it seems that you are in NC because you want to move on, not because you are trying to punish your ex. The deployment of the silent treatment is frankly one of the most sadistic, cruel, and immature forms of psychological abuse. Even if he chose the breakup, he might want to avoid talking to you as he misses you but knows you shouldn . 1 In abusive relationships, the silent treatment is used to manipulate the other person and to establish power over them. One is an act of self-protection & self-preservation and the other an act of punishment & manipulation. Get out and do things. Close the emotional distance. But if you are using the silent treatment back on your partner who is trying to use it as a weapon on you, then silent treatment is actually beneficial to you. When a guy dumps you, you lose your power in the relationship. Summary. The silent treatment can be a mind game for some people, and in some cases can be used as a form of psychological manipulation. They may be genuinely upset so approaching them with open, relaxed body language and a calm tone of voice is the smart move. In order to usurp an albeit false sense of control and reclaim some stability of his fragile ego, the abuser suddenly cuts contact with the target. 1.3.2 Your success has become a danger to them. Generally speaking an ex can get upset over the no contact rule being used on him and think to himself, "Fine, I don't need her. This is what I personally did after receiving the silent treatment for the hundredth time. What it does result in is the usurping of power and control for the abuser. No Contact is the key to escaping The Hoovering and the narcissist's life-long plan for you. It is a choice one makes. You had no say in the matter. The No Contact Rule is a technique that some people try to use to get their ex back after a breakup or a divorce. Be calm and patient. Irrespective of which end of the silent treatment you are on, always be ready to ask and offer forgiveness. Specifically, he knows that a silent treatment doesn't last forever and, therefore, the same rule must apply to the No Contact Rule. pushes me away with silent treatment for however long he wants, then contacts me and pulls me back in . 1.3.5 Their sympathy transforms into apathy. NC is something done when one realizes they are in a toxic unhealthy R when used for our purposes here. He profusely apologized for his behavior when we broke things off. Grudges can be devastating. There is no explanation, no response of any kind, only stony silence. 2. If your partner is using the silent treatment, here are some things you can do: 1. That the silent treatment and no contact are essentially the same thing by different names, is one more example of the spin that is put on defining situations and terms in a cult-like narcissistic family. So it's also purposely ignoring, however, you do not do it in front of them, you simply just don't engage them. If you ask if anything is wrong, you are met with silence. No matter how he goes about it or why it happens or when it happens, the Silent Treatment always sucks. Hear no evil. Treat silence with silence. It prevents you from demeaning and embarrassing yourself unnecessarily. Confrontation lets them know that you see what they are doing and you understand the tactics they use. TARA N JOHNSON. A further way of determining whether this period of absence is a silent treatment or a discard is to consider what has happened in the run up to the period of absence. Show that the silent treatment is no way to get what they want from you. Not physically, verbally, social media, all of it. Narcs are good at escalating disputes . In many cases, a guy will finally contact you again after you've given him the silent treatment. To be frank, the silent treatment is one of the narcissist's cruel weapons used on people who love him. Or, as you are compared to the narcissist. to re-attract him or her, it doesn't work very well. Tell your boyfriend or husband how much you care about him, and how important he are to you. It's also the only opportunity you'll ever have for breaking the codependency to hope that the narcissist counts on you to cling to while he's gone. You can't deal with the silent treatment when your partner isn't talking to you, but you can bring it up after the storm has passed. Answer (1 of 23): If you remain silent towards the NPD during the discard and subsequent silence that follows it, you will keep your dignity as it's not what they expect from you. It enables mental clarity and puts things back into perspective. Get a manicure. R. Kelly will be in his 80s when/if he gets out of prison, but there are still concerns the old man will remain a threat -- especially to minors -- so, he'll have to live under a slew of strict . The intent behind going No Contact vs. using the silent treatment and ghosting is all in the drivers and the outcomes. One day out of the blue after being together 2 years after everything I put up with. The silent treatment is a manipulative tactic designed to control another person's behavior with silence. No Contact Definition: In response to a friend/lover/family member/colleague with NPD, the survivor of emotional/psychological abuse may chose to go No Contact. It gives the victim time to heal and regain a sense of reality which they lost while under the influence of the narcissist. It is ineffective, harmful and is an emotionally abusive way to avoid, punish, or control the partner. I was and have been devastated as well as quite heartbroken. No contact is you setting a boundary to regain control in your life. Stage 4: Fear of Loss. Underestimating the narcissist This is the biggest mistake you can make when going no contact with your narcissist. As its name indicates, the silent treatment is something that's done to somebody. Let's look at a few other benefits of following the no contact rule. After the victim has been stonewalled, the other person is treated to a form of silence that is deafening. It's a manipulation tactic used in relationships to control you by suddenly going silent or being less engaged in conversations than you would have. Sometimes it's discard. So after the countless silent treatments and her meeting ex's and all the abuse. 3. I'm just a wife that is a passive-aggressive grudge-holder. 2. People who use the silent treatment may even refuse to acknowledge the presence of the other person. Every time a narcissist does not choose to engage with you, it is not always either or (ST/NC). If you accept it, shrug, and give the silent treatment back, clearly you are not accepting your punishment or being controlled, and that will confuse the narc. Reply. Different narcissists react differently. This advice is for you. This is passive-aggressive emotional abuse. He recontacted me me nearly 2 months ago to see me. NC is not the same as the silent treatment. Radio Silence After a Breakup During a calm period after your partner has punished you with silence, give him or her some information about silent treatment abuse. People . . Implementing No Contact during the silent treatment in a relationship would put you back into a place of power because when they prance back onto the scene believing you'll fall to their feet, they'll encounter nothing but the sound of crickets. November 5, 2021 at 2:53 pm . This form of passive-aggressive communication is also known as giving a cold shoulder. What does it all mean? Discuss the effects of silent treatment on trust and intimacy in your relationship. While other times it is a passive-aggressive tactic to hold control over you. When one person decides to pull the plug on a relationship, the equation can not remain amicable. The silent treatment isn't always meant to hurt you. It's essentially about cutting off contact for 30 or 60 days. People who use the silent treatment to win arguments and gain control need to understand the magnitude of their immature behavior. The third way to shut down a narcissist who is giving you the silent treatment is to use the opportunity to end the relationship and go no contact. 2. Poof. Set boundaries - You deserve respect and if they aren't willing to give it to you then there need to be consequences. Where the no contact rule and "ghosting" are all about cutting off contact the silent treatment is a little bit more nuanced. The silent treatment is a way to inflict pain without visible bruising - literally. I come from a long line . If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you might already know how the silent treatment is like.. No calls.. No reply to your messages Go on a nature hike. You will have time to think. Taking the silent treatment at face value, the first move is to opt for the softer approach and try to broach the subject of dispute. You already know what the no-contact rule is as well as the difference between radio silence and no contact. usually the silent treatment is out of anger or hurt or something along those lines and no contact is just drifting or getting bored of that person . They are as starkly contrasted as night & day. The standard way of trying to make sense of it - using how we feel to interpret their intention behind their actions - falls far short of what's really going on in their noggins. Experts on narcissistic abuse recovery all agree that contact with someone like this always results in pain (Payson). #NPD #NoContact #HealingNPDAbuse #CPTSD #PTSD #Rumination #DownLow #Hobosexual #Liars #SexualAbuse #Jezebel #Ahab #FinancialAbuse #Gaslighting #CovertNarcs . Being radio silent would also ensure that your ex has no way to feel your presence or have any experience, no matter how indirect, with you. 1.3 Narcissist discard signs. Your ex was in control and so they didn't feel loss or grief right away but you did.